FANTASY vs. REALITY

[NiteHawk]

Wasn't sure where I'd post this ... but seeing it started in this section ... I figured I'd keep it here.

In the post regarding what Providers think of their clients I read Legman’s post about “Crossing over from Client to having a relationship” outside of the usual Provider / Client relationship an interesting one. Whether if be just friendship or hope of more.

Being a former bouncer / driver for a few different Strip Clubs back in my day (man that makes me sound old) I’ve had that discussion many of times with Dancers and fellow hobbyists.


Quinn ~ My advice is to keep it as a friendly business relationship legman. Crossing over into friendship usually becomes messy, and everyone loses.

The Crippler 1972 ~ I have moved beyond the business relationship a couple of times, it is dark waters heetseeker for the buyer and the seller and i think that is why most providers keep business professional and friendship personal ......... not that you couldn't be important under different circumstances, but it is best to keep each other at arms length for both parties concerned.

Now I’m not quite sure I would word this exactly the same way but the I do agree with the overall statement Crip makes here.

A few thoughts …

This brings to mind the old saying … “Be careful what you ask … you may not get the answer you want to hear.”

My experience is this, once you have feelings of “wanting more” than just the provider / client relationship, it’s very hard (next to impossible) to go back to just enjoying the FANTASY of having that incredible lady treat you like you are the only person in the world who matters for the half hour, hour, or however long your appointment lasts.

I would say the odds of such a relationship lasting are slightly worse than winning the lottery. Do you want to ruin the FANTASY and the satisfactions which that Escape from REALITY provide? The fact is ... you are not likely to return as a client no matter how the lady answers the question.

And lets not forget … these ladies have lives outside the business … they may be in relationships … whatever the case may be. The ones that don’t bring their personal lives into the appointments and let us feel that we are the only one that matters for that time are the ones that are the most appealing in my opinion.

In my early days of hitting the bars we had a term for a guy who would fall Head-over-Heals in love with a dancer … we called him a Rookie. We knew that the Dancer was there to do her job and make the most money that she could. The girls that were the most successful were the ones that could provide that FANTASY for however many dances that the guy would pay for. If he couldn’t by a clue and see that was what she was doing … he was labeled a “Rookie”. (And yes … I was a Rookie … but learned my lesson very quickly. I had a lot more fun in the bars after that). Then she would move on and do her best to make the next guy feel the exact same way. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing … it’s just the REALITY of the business these ladies are in.

The massage world and escort worlds aren’t very different from that I would bet.

To put it bluntly … from my experience … if the lady in question wants more than the Provider / Client relationship … she will be the one to make the first move. There won’t be any hinting or beating around the bush (pardon the pun).

From a retired member of the Old Guard my advice would be this …

Go see the lady or ladies of your choice and enjoy the FANTASY / Escape from REALITY that she or they can provide. Have some fun … sit back and enjoy the ride.

[Quinn]

Really well articulated NiteHawk and true. I have tried various times in various posts to explain without stepping on toes how delicate a balance it can be. You summed it up well.

You pay service providers to provide you with a fantasy. Just let it be that. I will tell you a secret........we really aren't the personna we create to come to our meetings with you. The real us has to be kept as far away from that meeting as possible, for our sakes, and for your pleasure.

Does it mean we don't enjoy being with you and the times that we share? Absolutely not, and I mean that sincerely guys. We do for the most part. Or we wouldn't stay in the business.

But.......you and those four walls of the room are not our real lives, nor are they yours. And they shouldn't be. That just isn't real life. Outside of that room, we both have responsabilities and people in our lives that wouldn't really blend in to the fantasy if carried over.

Here is an anology.......you go to a concert or a play or the symphony to be entertained. It's a couple hours of escape from the world outside the theatre or arena.......then you go back to the real world.

We are a form of entertainment, for lack of a better anology at this moment

[Kensho]

Gee.. what can I really say?

Nitehawk knows my track record and what I have experienced over the passed year!

My two cents is this:

Any kind of relationship, no matter how it started or where it began, has risk. Whether you are willing to risk your mind, body, heart, money or soul is up to each individual. The rewards can be just as great or greater as the pain of losing what you are risking.

You could be willing to risk it all, thinking you are a winner, only to have it snatched away from you.

All I can really say is: Either Fantasy or Reality, stay TRUTHFUL to yourself, and hopefully that other person will be TRUTHFUL to you too.

[Jasmine]

I never thought I would be one to date a client and end up falling in love and having a relationship with that person, BUT it did happen.

Having said that, what Nitehawk said about if the lady is genuinely interested in YOU, SHE will make the first move, that is very very true. And that is exactly what I did. I made the first move, to let this person know I was interested in them on a very personal level.

Asking out your provider, can end in a very awkward moment. If she is truely interseted, she will let you know!

Now I am going to totally contradict myself and say that a long time ago, I had a client who I developed a crush on, and he did ask me out and I said yes, we dated for about 3 weeks and then I realised he was just too jealous to be able to handle dating a woman working in this industry, so I had to end it.

[jamie]

I must say, i never thought it would ever happen to me, wasnt looking for a relationship . This sp just seemed she was so sincere in all her words and actions with me,we would communicate alot, i did think we were good friends, and we were always honest with each other. I didnt care that she was a sp, i didnt want a serious relationship, all i wanted was some fun, but most of all i thought she was honest and sincere and was my friend. I guess, she didnt really care, i guess she was just doing her job... Yes i stepped over that line and didnt even reliaze it, till it was to late... It really sucks, but i guess thats life...lol

[Amber Lee]

This is a great thread. I have had to end professional relationships with clients due to their nature of falling head over heels for the person they think they are in love with. Creepy?? very much so.. I know that person means well but they only know one side of you. I could never integrate this kind of relationship into my personal life.. because keeping it separated is what keeps me sane. It is definitely psychologically healthier for everyone this way.
Amber Lee

[King David]

I would probably fall head over heals for amber lee as well ... i mean look at her! bang bang!

[legman]

I thought I would jump in on this one. The feelings I have (yes still do) for the
lady in question, are real to me. Never met a woman like her. However I do
know that it's wrong & could never be. She still crosses my mind at times. Not
as often, I haven't had the pleasure for several month's & may never again. Due
to the economy.
Thanks all!

[enigman51]

I recall a similar thread from last year.

Its an admittedly a strange and reverse way for a relationship to begin, and there are a whole bunch of social/cultural prejudices to overcome.

I am not saying "Pretty Woman" or "Cinderella" never happens, just not often successfully.

That being said, we really can't help who we fall for or not, and if both parties are interested in exploring that level of relationship, you may as well throw logic out the window and go with it. Generally people hate themselves for not trying something out, and can live with trying and things not work out.

Personally, I think I will just stick to liking the people I see and not go beyond that point Like is good.

[snowball]

Enigma is wise in his remarks and has covered almost all the bases.

The base he did not cover is the friendship base--platonic friendship outside of the job.
That is almost as hard as an intimate relationship to sustain, when the client is a healthy sexual animal.

Voice of experience....

But having said that, I do believe we have made that relationship work after some rocky times over a few years.

snow